God’s Plan for Responsibility: A Purposeful Role

Sermon Transcript

Thank you. And with that, let's continue our worship as we go before the Lord. Father in heaven, thank you so much for all that you're doing. And Lord, we are a privileged people because we have your word. And, Lord, we believe as a people that every time your word is faithfully and accurately proclaimed that you are speaking.

Which means anytime we want to hear you, we can open your word, read it, hear it, and when it's spoken, it is you speaking to us. And so, Lord, we believe today our prayer is speak, Lord, for we are ready to hear. And so now for all those who have gathered who desire to hear the Lord Jesus Christ speak directly to you, who will believe what he tells you and who will, by faith, put into practice what he shows you. Will you agree with me very loudly this morning by saying the word amen? Everything that is designed has a purpose.

When a designer sits down to put something together, there's a reason that he put it together. When you design a watch, a watch has a purpose to tell the time. If you design a phone, a phone has a purpose to communicate with other people. If you design a vehicle, a vehicle has the purpose of getting you from point a to point b. Everything that's designed has a purpose.

And even within that framework of what's being designed, there's different kinds of designs. When it comes to vehicles. You can get a very used vehicle that's very inexpensive, or you can spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on a vehicle to accomplish some of the same things. You can get a vehicle that allows you to haul things around. You can get a vehicle that's only for one or two people.

Same is true when it comes to anything else that's invented. Same is true when we design different athletic activities. I mean, when it comes to the sport of football, you can be 300 pounds or you can be 150 pounds. You can play, but you're designed to play a different position. You're designed to play a different role.

So every design has a purpose. As we started this families fortified series, we talked about what design looks like, how God is the designer. God's the one who designed us. And we took a look the very first week at what God is after and how God is after a covenant family, because it's through families that he's going to get the most glory on the earth. But we started with you, and we said that the reason that you have inherent value is that you were created by God.

And when God created you, he created you with a design. And that's the design, is that you were created in the image of God. So unlike the stars, the moon, and everything else that God created, he created you, male and female, in his image, which means intrinsically, you bear the image of God. So every single human being has value and worth because God says that they do. And then what we learned is that God created two genders, male and female.

We took a look at psalm 139 and selected other scriptures out. God is the one who designed the gender. There's only two according to the word of God. And when God created those genders, whatever he designed you in utero, that's what you are. And your gender is definitive of the purpose that God has for you on this planet, which ultimately is the mission of having a family, creating a family to propagate the gospel through your family.

That's why there's always an attack on the family. There always has been since the garden of Eden, right up to our generation. Now there's always an attack on the family. And so today we're going to take a look at your purpose and how we talked about the first week, your purpose, it comes from your gender. Today we're going to take a look at gender within the family and how those gender roles play out.

Now, this is one of the most controversial topics that we can talk about, but I'm not a pr agent for the Lord. I'm just a proclaimer. I'm not apologizing for what God says. I love what God says, and our world needs to hear what God says. Amen.

And so, as you're opening, open your bible up to Ephesians, chapter five. We're going to be in verses 22 to 33. Ephesians, chapter five, verses 22 to 33. And as you're turning there, let me just set this up for you, because we talked about, we not only talked about how your purpose is rooted in gender and your mission is established in a godly family, and God's the one that resources that. But last week, we took a look at what a vow to oneness looked like.

When God creates marriage. What happens at the altar when a priest or pastor proclaims that you are now husband and wife? By the power vested in them, what happens is those two individuals become one. And we talked about at length how, as singles, there's always a push and a lie from the enemy, as a single, to act as though you're one with another, even though you're not one with another. So you can share finances, you can share a house, you can move in together, you can sleep together, you can fornicate you can do all these things, pretend you're one, even though you're not one.

There's always this pull to come together. The reality is, once you're declared one and once you are one, the lie of the enemy is pull everything apart. And so last week, we spent the entire week taking a look, entire day taking a look at how do we keep oneness? How do we bear the image of God in a marriage. We highlighted five things that all married people can apply, and even singles can begin to work on these together.

We talked about valuing one another by listening and preferencing one another, giving honor and trusting one another. That's how you have great intimacy and interceding for one another as we pray, forgiving one another as we release them. And married couples have a chance to do this every single day. Right? And this is how we grow.

And it's important, before we get into gender distinctions, that we understand oneness, because too often when gender distinctions are talked about, we start thinking that we have two individuals in this marriage, and the husband's, the head and the wife's underneath. And we got this kind of thing going on. And that's not at all what we have in a marriage. We have this. So when you have a head and you have one who submits, it comes out of this relationship of oneness that both of you are fighting for.

And so God, because he designed marriage, and God, because he has a lot to say about marriage, is going to tell us, if you're going to get married, this is how it works. If you have an electric car you try to fill up with gas, it doesn't work right. You have to use what the designer designed it to do. God designed marriage. He designed marriage.

And in Genesis, chapter one, he said, here's what marriage is. It is male and female united together till death do you part, and you are one. That's his definition. That's what it is. And so God is now going to give us distinction as to what that looks like and how we do that.

And before we get into this, let me give you some reasons why you want to do things God's way. I'll give you four. I'll give you four. And the first is when you do it God's way, when you do it the way he wants. Number one, you have honor for Christ.

When God says, this is what you need to be as a wife, or this is what you need to be as a husband, and you do those very things, you're bringing honor to the Lord. Number two, it unleashes supernatural power. It unleashes supernatural power. When you do things God's way, then God says, okay, I'll go to work. When you do things your way, you keep God at bay.

Say, okay, how's it working for you? Keep trying it your way. But when you're ready for me to do it, you have to operate in the way I want to operate. It also provides freedom for you to live your God given identity. If you're a woman, God wants you to be fully feminine in every possible way and not have to worry about doing anything other than being a woman.

And if you're a man, God wants you to be masculine in every possible way and just concern yourself with being that. And it gives you the freedom to do it. And number four, it does this. It trusts the Lord's design. You're really saying, God, I take you at your word.

This is what you say. This is what I'm going to do because I believe in you. Now, I want to tell you before I get started, what I'm about ready to teach today is hated by our culture. Our culture hates everything that I'm about to teach, okay? And here's why the culture hates it, because our culture hates God and they hate everything that he stands for.

So anytime you talk about a man's role and anytime you talk about a woman's role, it's always toxic to the culture because the culture hates God. I mean, look no further than the opening ceremonies in our Olympics this year. I mean, you got drag queens running around. What in the world does that have to do with sport? It has nothing to do with sport.

It has to do with the world declaring, we hate God. That's all that was. And if you look at any sitcom or movie that sells, all you have to do is get the man to be a total buffoon and an idiot that everybody makes fun of. And the woman is the smart one that fixes everything up. And the kids are all out there.

And even today, you don't even have biblical marriage. In the different sitcoms that we have, you have two men living together or, you know, two women living together or a trans person. You got this. And it's called the modern family. It's not a family at all.

And so what I'm gonna do is show you what God says the family is and what those roles need to look like and what God says. Because if you do it this way, this is where you receive God's blessing. Now let me start by saying this as we're talking about building the family. You gotta get this part done or we can't even move on to, you have to be born again to believe what I'm about ready to tell you. You must be born again.

If you're not born again, this will sound like hate speech to you. It will sound like hate speech. So I just want to share the gospel with you. I told you that God valued you and that he loves you with an unconditional love. Here's the problem that we have.

The Bible spells it out clearly to us, is that all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. I have and you have. Every single one of us has fallen short of the glory of goddess. And from the time that we're conceived and we come out, we demonstrate all the different ways that we make our life about us. And every single one of us has a track record that says, the most important person in my life is me.

And for some, we've managed to keep our sin on the back burner or we do socially acceptable sins that everybody's like, well, everybody does that. It's not a big deal. And we kind of fit in with our sin. And for others, we've been blatant with our sin. But here's the reality.

It doesn't matter what your sin is. It's what keeps you separated from goddess. It's your sin that separates you. It's the reason why you sometimes ask the question, where's God? How come I'm not experiencing God?

How come I don't have a relationship with God? How come all these other people talk about God like they're actually talking to him and he feels so distant to me? That's your sin. And the Bible says it's because of your sin that you will die. Everybody dies.

We know that a new infant that we hold is terminal. Someday they're going to die. They may get to live to 101 like my nana did, or they may die at an early age, but they're going to die. They're not going to live forever because they're born in sin and iniquity. But God loved us so much that he sent his only begotten son to do something that we couldn't do for ourselves.

Jesus Christ, the eternally begotten son of God, became incarnate flesh, came to the world, fulfilled the law, and then he went to the cross and died on the cross for all the sin of the world. And the reason you couldn't get to God is because of your sin. Jesus Christ made a way for you to get there. That's why the Bible says he's the way, the truth and the life. And there is no one that comes to the father except through him.

Jesus rose from the dead, authenticating that he was indeed the son of God, and then began to offer life to anyone who would do two things. One, turn from their sin and repent of it, and recognize, I'm wrong. Way I've been living is wrong. And two, trust in Christ and say, I need Jesus to save me. And when you turn from your sin and you trust in Christ, the Bible says you've been born again into a new life.

You are a new creation of God. And his spirit comes to indwell you till you get to heaven, until you're presented faultless before the Father. So here's what the gospel is about. It's not about you joining a church or getting in a small group or doing all these different things. It's about you repenting of your sin and trusting Jesus.

And we have to start there. Now, if you repented of your sin and trusted Jesus, then the question becomes, well, how do I grow in that? And that's what we're setting up here in Ephesians chapter five. Because right before we get to the roles of husbands and wives, and right before we talk about God's plan and his responsibility for marriage and the purposeful role that he wants you to have, he starts talking about how we're to live in Ephesians 518, he says, and do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the spirit. He says, you know what it's like when you or someone else that you know has been inebriated?

They've been drunk. It means they're controlled by a substance that's not themselves. They say things and do things that are not them because they're being controlled by the alcohol, they're being controlled by the liquor, they're being controlled by drugs. They're inebriated. He said, don't do that.

That's not how you're going to be filled with Christ, but instead be filled with the spirit. Let the spirit who's resonant in every single believer come alive. And here's how you know the spirit of God has come alive in your life. Here's how you know that you're born again, because you'll speak to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing, making melody with your heart to the Lord. It's a delight to sing praises to God.

Amen. Always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to God, even the father. You'll be thankful. There's a thankfulness that comes when you're filled with the spirit. God, thank you for who you are.

Thank you for loving me in spite of me, Lord, thank you. And then notice this final one. And you'll be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Because I love Christ, and because I know I'm going to answer to Christ, and because I know I'm going to see Christ, I'm going to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. In the fear of Christ.

That's what I'm going to do. I mean, even in Philippians two, it says preference one another. Consider other people more important than yourself. Only a believer can do that. I mean, we have every one of us in our natural self.

We can do it with people we love, but we have limits to where we're going to do that. But a believer that's filled with the spirit can preference somebody else can submit to someone else. And he's saying, that's what it means to be filled with the spirit. And here's the reality. The roles we're going to talk about today in marriage, you can't live them unless you're filled with the spirit.

It's impossible. It's not just difficult, it's impossible. So now let's get into the roles. And for ladies, I have one point for you today. And men, I have three for you.

Okay? And that's really the way that the Lord set it up. And we live in such a backwards feminist culture that when we talk about these role. This role for a woman, the world is singing, oh, you don't believe in women? No.

This is the best place for women to be because this is how God designed. So hear what the word of the Lord says. He says, wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be subject to their husbands in everything.

So, ladies, here's the point. If you're married, you need to willingly choose to. To submit and be subject to your own husband because he is your authority. That's the only point. That's it.

Submit and be subject to your own husband because he is your authority. Now, it's interesting here because I've heard people teach this passage and all these different things. So I'll just lay all the cards on the table. I mean, you see the verse, be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. In verse 21.

It's a greek word, hupataso. Being subject means to fall underneath, to be assigned a rank to obey. That's what it means. That's what we're to do to one another. And then it borrows that word in verse 22.

So it would literally read, wives to your own husbands as to the Lord. So it's not really the subjecting and submitting that is really what I see upsets women. It's that next verse. For the husband is what? He's the head of the wife.

The husband's the head of the wife. That means he has high status or superior rank. Now, we need to talk about this. It's really important. They say, well, how would I ever submit to my husband?

How would I ever see him as having higher rank than me? Because it's in the oneness relationship that he does. He's not higher ranked than you in value, but in that marriage, in that oneness relationship, he has higher rank. But I want you to think about the Trinity for a second. Our godhead is Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

The Father is not the Son and the Spirit. The Son is not the father of the Spirit, and the spirit is not the father of the Son. They are one. The Godhead is one entity, and yet eternally, Jesus Christ, the second person of Trinity, has eternally submitted himself to the Father, and the Holy Spirit, who has always existed, has eternally submitted himself to the Father and the Son is the Holy Spirit of less value than Jesus. Is Jesus of less value than the Father?

Heavens, no. They just have a different order, a different rank, a different function. That's why when Jesus was on the earth, he said, I only do what I see the Father doing. If you've heard me, if you've seen me, you've seen my father. That's why in the garden of Gethsemane, when he was praying, before he went to the cross, he prayed, is this the only way, dad?

But not my will, dad. But your will be done, dad. If you're sending me to the cross, I will do what you say to do, because you're the authority and I'm falling under your leadership. Not because I'm less than you, because I'm God, too. But that's my rank, and that's where I am.

That's what it looks like. I'm going to use a word here that we don't like in our culture. It's called patriarchy. Patriarchy means led by a father. The Trinity is a patriarch.

It's led by the father. A marriage is a patriarch. It is led by a father. That is not toxic masculinity, as you will find out later today. That is biblical marriage.

Amen. And here's the deal. So, wives, you're called to submit and be subject to who? To your own husbands? Not everybody else's husband.

You're not called to be subject to anybody else's husband. Now, one corinthians, chapter eleven. Paul spells this out even further. One corinthians eleven three says, but I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man. We get that Christ is my head.

He's my authority. I'm called to submit to him in every way. I'm going to answer to him for everything. But notice what? He says this.

And the man is the head of a woman. Not every woman, but a woman. You're her spiritual head. And God is the head of Christ. The father is the head of the son.

You drop down and say, well, why is that? Verse eight says, for a man does not originate from woman, but woman from the man. For indeed, man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake. We talked about this in Genesis, chapter two. Man was created first.

Everything in the world's good. God creates everything. That was good. That was good. That was good.

That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. You know, it's not good for man to be alone.

You know what he's saying? Everything's good. Except for a single guy. That brother needs help. So God fashioned a woman from his side to say, help him, right?

Don't be his boss. Don't be under his feet, but help him. That brother needs help, right? And that's what's going on here. And that's what we see here in the text.

So we see this, that we're called to, as wives are called to submit to their husbands. You say, well, in what? Well, what do I have to submit to him? Don't you love how clear the scripture is? The last words of verse 24, wives ought to be submitted to their husbands in what?

Everything. That kind of covers it, doesn't it? Why? Because the man is going to be responsible on judgment day for how he led his family. And from the time of the garden, we've seen passive men not do this well, right?

What if Adam had seen the serpent talking to his wife and taken leadership and either loved his wife enough to bring her away or cut the head of the serpent off or just said, baby, we're not listening to that. We're going back to God. Genesis three would be the end of the Bible, and we'd be living in la la land right now. It'd be awesome. Instead, the man didn't do his job, and sin entered the world because of it, because a man didn't lead the way he needed to lead.

So, women, be subject to your husbands and everything. Everything. Let me make an exception to that. Let me make an exception to that. If your husband asks you to break one of God's laws, a moral law, or the law of the land, you don't have to listen.

Hey, baby, let's rob a bank. We can be rich together. We can go. You do not have to rob the bank. Hey, baby, this will spice up our marriage if we do this immoral thing and add this.

You do not have to do that. Right? You do not need to be a more, you can't go to church. Oh, yes, you can. He can't keep you from doing.

He's, you're doing. You're submitting as unto the Lord. Let me give you another way that you don't submit, because I need to be clear on this. In our culture, if you're being abused by your husband, God is not calling you to submit to that. I'm talking physical abuse.

I'm talking yelling at you all the time and down. God's not calling you to submit to that. And you need to talk to a pastor or somebody that can help you and get you the help you need. I want to be crystal clear on that. We're talking about spirit filled marriage here.

And I know what gets said. Like, listen, every premarital couple that Kim and I have ever counseled, when we talk about this oneness relationship, and the man needs to lead and they're all like, oh, that's great, but you don't understand, Pastor Jeff. We agree on everything. We'll always agree, and you will until you get married.

And at some point in time, there could be a decision where you could go this way or this way, and they're both good choices. And who needs to make that decision? The husband submitting doesn't mean that you don't tell your husband. Here's what I think, and I think you're making the wrong decision if you do that. Submission doesn't mean you're in the back room.

Just whatever you want to do. No submission means you're intentional. You're there because your husband loves you and you need to voice your opinion. And men, you need to listen up. When your wife tells you something.

I've found from personal experience about 95% of the time and up. She's right. So listen. But there comes a time where this is the way we're going. And I thought we would go this way, and I don't like the way we're going, but I'm going to submit to him out of reverence for Christ.

Now, when you submit to your husband's lady, not because you enjoy it, not because you want to, you're saying, God, I'm submitting to this man that you gave me, that I'm one with a. Because of you. I don't even like him right now. So you go to work on that guy. You see what I'm saying?

You unleash the power of God. I've told this story many times. My wife's a very godly woman. When Kim and I were moving to Denver, we prayed together. We talked about it.

You know, she was asking a lot of questions because all our friends and family were back in Illinois. Things were starting to flourish in Illinois. Our kids were growing up getting to be around their grandparents. She was not feeling it as we prayed. I don't know if I want to come, she said, but I'll do what you want, but.

And so we kept taking one step after another after another. We came out to Denver and visited. We met some of the people that would be in the church, all these different things. And as this go is going on, Kim kept telling me, I'm just not feeling it. I'm not hearing God say anything.

Until one day, and I remember I was out doing something, and she called me and she said, I heard the Lord. I said, good. What would he say? She's like, I don't know if I want to tell you because I think you're going to hold it over me. And I said, I promise I won't do that.

I said, what'd you hear? She's like, the Lord told me that I wasn't going to hear what we're supposed to do as a family because you're the head of our house and he's going to tell you. So if that's where we're going, I'll submit to you and go now on that end of the phone, as I heard that, it wasn't a. Oh, yeah, no, I was terrified because I went back and started praying like God. Are you sure that I heard you?

Are you sure this is what we're going to do, because like if we move out there and we tank this, she's going to say, that was on you, brother. You know, do you see what I'm saying? So submission is not a point of weakness. Submission is a point of strengthen. If you're doing it for the Lord, amen.

Amen.

And by the way, it should be stated as I'm talking right now, I'm talking to wives like, this is not information for husbands to teach your wives this material. This is for wives to hear the Lord and then you get to act on it. This is not for husbands to go home and say, did you get that point? I mean, Jeff only had one for you. I mean, put it in.

This is not for us to coach our wives in. This is for our wives to hear the Lord and then for them to be obedient to Christ in. And by the way, you can't do this apart from the spirit of God resident in your life. It's an impossibility. You just can't do it.

And you look at this and like, well, how would I do this? Because this is exactly what Jesus did for us. He came and submitted himself to the father and did all sorts of things that he wouldn't have otherwise wanted to do. And the reason he did this and the way that he paid for our salvation was because of his eternal submission to the father, because he loved his father. It wasn't from a position of weakness.

It was from a position of power that he submitted himself to his dad. Amen. Ladies, you're not weak to submit to your husband. Who is your head? Maybe many ladies in the world will tell you you're weak and you're not.

I am woman, hear me roar. But you know, when God looks down on you and he sees the power that you have and the strength that it takes and the spirit filledness that you need to have to do it, he says, that's my daughter and you're doing great. This is exactly opposite of what you hear the culture say. Culture will say, control your husband. Bash your husband.

Get with other women and talk bad about your husband. Don't ever do that. You're going to submit to your husband in the same way you would submit to Christ, the same way you'd talk about Christ, the same way that you'd honor Christ. Listen, listen. Yeah, but that's Jesus.

He's perfect. You haven't met my husband. Yeah, he's a sinner for sure, but so are you. And you're modeling your love for your husband. And that's demonstrating your love for Christ.

And that's what brings strength into your family. And, ladies, I want to encourage you to hear the word of the Lord and not hear the word of our culture and to not think that you're less than because you're not submitting to your husband as under him. You're submitting to your husband because you're one with him. There's a massive difference. You're equal in value in every possible way.

Having a wife and two daughters, I want them to hear this. And as my two daughters get married someday, I want them to put this into practice, not because they're less than, but because they're powerful, godly women. Amen. And that's what God tells us. Now, that's all I had to tell the women today.

That's about it. And now, if you're married or thinking about getting married, you can put this into practice for the rest of your life. Now a word to the single ladies out there before we get rolling. If you're dating someone or you're going to be dating someone and you're saying in your heart of hearts, there's no way I could ever submit to this guy. There's no way I'd ever want this guy to lead me.

There's no way I'd ever want this guy to lead our family. Break up with him now, because when you get married, that's going to be multiplied by a factor of infinity, right? Or just wait until he's ready to be that kind of. I mean, you want ladies, you want to marry someone that is your spiritual head that's doing the things that I'm about ready to talk about. So don't marry somebody that you can't, if you know already, no way I'm submitting to that guy.

Then don't date him. Save yourself pain and trouble. Go after the guy that we're going to talk about here and now onto the role of the husbands. And we'll talk about three, starting in verse 25. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her.

That means, men, when you're married, you get to willingly choose to sacrifice and suffer without limits, even when she's unlovable. You get to sacrifice and suffer without limits even when she's unlovable. I mean, think about what Christ did. Love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her. How did Christ love the church?

Well, he died for the church. That was the easy part. He suffered his entire life on the earth for the sake of the church. The church spit on him, mocked him, beat him, told him he deserved to be crucified, didn't listen to his teachings, were rebellious toward him in every possible way. And yet, what did he continue to do?

He continued to entrust himself to his dad and even stretched out his arms at his weakest moment when people were shaming him and saying, father, forgive them for they do not know what they're doing. Because I've heard guys say, well, I'd die for my wife. I'd die for my wife. Most men would die for their wife. That's not a big ask, but would you daily suffer for and sacrifice for your wife?

Because sometimes it would be easier just to die, wouldn't it?

And listen, I talk to a lot of different people, and I realize sometimes you marry somebody and perhaps she is acting unlovable, perhaps she is being unlovable. But sometimes the guys will come and talk to me as if I can fix their wife and make her more lovable so that they can have a better marriage. Fix her. I'm like, no, no, no. You don't get it, bro.

You got married not to be happy. You got married to be holy. And Jesus has given you a phenomenal example, to love her the same way that he loves you. So if you get to suffer every day for the rest of your life and sacrifice all your dreams for her, you're doing exactly what Jesus has done for you on an ongoing basis. And you prayed that you'd be a lot like Jesus, and now you have an awesome opportunity, go for it.

Right? Amen. That's what it means to be ahead. That's what it means to be a leader. It doesn't mean putting your wife under your feet.

It means I'm willing to put her needs ahead of mine. And if it's uncomfortable for me and I have to suffer a little bit or I'm having to sacrifice the things that I want, that doesn't really matter because you're putting her first, by the way, no matter how many titles you have in your life, no matter how much education you have, how many initials you have behind your name, all that stuff, your most important title, if you're married, is husband. There's nothing more important. It's not. Well, I leave work.

I leave go to work at five, I get home at seven at night. So between seven and nine, I help out a little bit. That's my role. No, your role is 24/7 your wife's more important than any other role in your life. She can interrupt you, she can talk to you.

She can call you. Her needs are more important than anything else you do in the world because you chose to get married and you chose to honor God. And as a husband, that's your number one role. Yeah. Pastor Jeff, you don't understand.

We're dating and we get along perfectly, and she's so awesome and she's so great, and she is. Until you get married and you love her no matter what. And what you learn is so many things that God wants to chisel away in your own life. I was texting a friend after last week's service that I've known for 40 years, and I'm like, all this stuff I'm teaching because we knew each other growing up. We've been through every stage of life together.

I'm like, I didn't know any of this stuff that I'm teaching. I said, I didn't put this into any relationships really, until I met Kim. I said I lived out of the selfish, prideful motif and blew up every relationship I was in. And I'm like, selfish and pridefulness don't help relationships. Godliness does.

Preferencing others does. Right? And everybody's marriage is a little different. I mean, some people get married and it is bliss for a while, and you get in like, this is the best thing that ever happened. And then all of a sudden, you hit a hiccup or a bump down the road.

Or you're like, us, we got married in the first year and a half. It was a killer because we're trying to figure out how to do what God's telling us to do. And we're trying to get other people to help us to change the other one until we realize the other one's not going to change. But God can change me, so change me. At the same time.

Kim's like, change me. And then all of a sudden, stuff comes back together, like, oh, we really do love each other, but this is what God has. So as men, number one, be willing. So don't come and say, well, I'm really suffering in my marriage. Good, that's a good thing.

I'm really having to sacrifice a lot. Good, that's why you got married, because you're preferencing your wife. Amen. That's exactly what Jesus did for us. And like I said last week, if you go before the Lord and say, Lord, have you ever had to sacrifice or suffer for me?

He will give you a download of all sorts of things that are way harder than he did, than you ever have to do for your spouse. Number two is this. Notice, verse 26. Why would he do this? So that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word that means husbands.

You willingly choose to sanctify and shield your wife by modeling a holy life. You willingly choose to sanctify and shield her by modeling a holy life. He goes on to say in verse 27 that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. I love this. I love this.

I'm more familiar with my sin than anybody else's sin in the whole world. The longer I live, the more I see how deep the depravity runs, and the more I see how great God's grace is, and the more he reconciles in us. And I'll yearn for the day, he says at the end of Jude, when he will present me faultless before the father. There's coming a day in my life where when Jesus Christ presents me before the father, he presents me with no blemishe, no stain, no wrinkle, no shame, no, yeah. Butts or any perfect before the father, he can do that for me.

If he can do it for me, he can do it for anybody. I'm excited about that. And he's saying, in a marriage, husbands, you get to play the role of sanctifying her until she's living more holy. So how do you do that? You live a holy life, you model a holy life.

Now, guys, we're task oriented. We tend to be. So our wives will say, well, you're not leading devotions, and you're not tucking the kids in, and you're not praying, and you don't pray with me, and you need to know your Bible better, and you need to do this. And all we hear as guys is this list. And they're like, I can't do that.

But here's really what your wife's looking for. She's looking for someone that's pursuing Jesus and growing in him, and she's hearing about it. She's seeing that Christ is changing you. She's seeing that Christ is growing you. She's seeing that Christ is in important to you.

You may not know the Bible as well as everybody else. You may not be the most phenomenal prayer, you may not think you're the best dad, but when she sees in you that you're wanting Christ to lead your life, and she sees in you that you're wanting to model that for her and for the kids, and she sees in you that you're growing and you're willing to listen to her and do all those things that impresses her. She wants that. That's why she asks you a lot of questions when you come home from work. How was your day?

She's really asking not for you to give a list. She's asking because she wants to hear your heart. And how are you growing in the Lord, and what are you doing and how is he shaping you? Amen. And growing your wife in holiness means that the longer she's around you, she's going to have a desire to be more holy.

I find the longer I'm around Jesus, and the more I get to know who Jesus is, the more I desire to see him change my life, the more I want him to change who I am. When your wife is around you, she should want to be more like Christ gals. Listen, if you're dating a guy and you're like, yeah, I don't get more godly when I'm around him. He ain't the right guy. Well, he kind of goes to church sometime.

If I bring him, that's not the guy you want. You want the guy that when you're around, you love Jesus more because you're around him. Amen. And helping your wife grow in holiness doesn't mean this either. That you're such an idiot of a husband that she has to pray and cry all the time for God to change you.

And she's growing in holiness because you're never around. Growing in holiness means when she's around you, she wants to be with you. When she sees how you're living and she sees what you're doing, she wants to be more like that. There's an attraction. You're the salt and you're the light in your marriage.

She wants to grow in that. And the only way that you can grow in that is pursue the Lord. It's your number one responsibility as a husband is to pursue the Lord, to ask the Lord to change you so you can grow in Christ and honor Christ. You can learn to love like Christ. And then notice this, he's going to protect her as he's sanctifying her.

He's washing her with the water with the word in order that he might present to himself the church in all of her glory, having no spot or wrinkle. Listen, I know theologically every single one of us is a sinner. I'm a sinner. You're a sinner. All the men in this room, all the married men in this room, you're sinners.

All the single men in this room, sinners. Single women, married women, you're all sinners. We know that when you get married, you know more about the person's sin you're married with than any other person on the planet. What does it mean to live a sanctified life? What does it mean to shield your wife?

It means you don't let anybody else ever see any of those things. You protect her from those things. You may see them. You may know them because you will because you live together. But nobody else is ever going to hear those things.

When I'm around guys that bad mouth their wives, I don't hang out with guys that bad mouth their wives. I don't want to hear about that. That's spiritual maturity. I want to hang around with guys that talk about how awesome their wife is. Now, my wife's a sinner.

You know that theologically, but she's incredible. I love my wife. Never run her through anything. Never talk about her things because she's my wife. Don't talk about all the things that your wife doesn't have.

Don't talk about, don't make them feel bad. Don't make them wonder, can I trust you? Because when you're around somebody that's going to shield that and know that love covers over a multitude of sins and they love me no matter what. And they know all my weakness. Christ knows all my weakness and he never shames me.

I should know all my wife's weaknesses and never shame her. I should elevate her, build her up, encourage her, do all those things. That's what you should do. Amen. Shield her from that.

Not talk down to her. All those different things. It's. You showcase her, you highlight her strengths. Now, I learned this a long time ago.

I'm growing it. I told you as I started this series, I'm a practitioner. I'm not perfect in any of these things, none of them. But I remember listening to a guy that spoke for a living. It was about 30 years ago and I knew I was going to be speaking for a living.

And he told the story about how he used to use his wife as like the butt of a joke, just to get a laugh. Like he would say stuff like, you know, my wife honors me every day. Every morning in bed she brings me burnt offerings.

And everybody kind of gave a little laugh. And then his wife finally told him, that really hurts when you say that you're telling me how I burn your breakfast and I do all these things. That hurts. He stops saying it. And we can do a lot of those little things, too.

When your wife is the one you want to honor the most and you want to put her on a pedestal, you want to make her look good. Why? Because the wife is the glory of the man. You want her to look good. And part of that is the heart of a woman.

That's why. Woman is the glory of a man. That's why, you know, oftentimes, guys, if you're going on a date with your wife or you're going to somewhere important in your wife with going to somewhere important with your wife, and she gets in the car, the first thing she'll do is what? She'll put down the visor and look at the mirror. And most of us have.

Guys haven't looked at a mirror in, like, a week. Like, if she wants to look good and you want her to look good because she's your glory, you don't. You're not all that, right? And that's what God does. He wants you to highlight all of her strengths.

And when she's around you, she should feel like the most built up, encouraged, and loved person on the planet because she's around you. Let me give you a third. A third is this. Notice the next verse, verse 29, and following 28 and 29. So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of his body. It means that you support and strengthen your wife as. As you would for yourself. Support and strengthen her as you would for yourself.

You're one. Any of you know that are married. Once you become married, you can win an argument and lose huge. It's not about winning because you're one. Like you can win an argument.

It feels like you just cut your arm off, and now you got to reattach the arm, and now it takes time, and now it takes energy to rebuild what just got torn down. It's not about winning an argument. It's about honoring one another. We, as human beings, we tend to be narcissistic. We tend to focus on ourselves.

We tend to focus on our needs, our wants. Your wife is as much of a part of your life as you are, because you are one. And so you're going to nourish her and strengthen her and cherish her. So if she's got gifts that you don't have, you're going to build those gifts up. You're going to help her be empowered.

You're going to help her live what God put her on the earth to do. And keep in mind, when I'm talking roles, I'm talking headship and submission. Those are the only two roles, right? I mean, ladies, if you're a CPA and your husband can't balance a checkbook, you keep the finances. I mean, ladies, if you're a landscaper and your husband doesn't know how to mow the grass, you mow the grass.

I mean, there's no. One of our pastors used to be a full time chef. He does the cooking in his house. Why wouldn't he? I have him cook for me.

Sometimes you don't have to be good at everything. We're not talking about earthly roles. We're talking about heavenly roles. We're talking about honoring the Lord as a head and honoring the Lord as submissive. This oneness relationship so that we can be a blessing to our families that can bless the world.

That's what we're talking about. Amen. And husbands, you have the opportunity all the time to support and strengthen your wife. And I would say treat her the way you want to be treated. But I got to be careful in the way that I say that because our spouses often don't respond the same way that we do.

I finished preaching last week. Kim was sick. She's here today. You know, I come home and she's had the flu. This is really the second time she's been out of the house in a week.

And the way my mo is, it's like, I want to get this thing fixed. And she's laying in the bed. I'm like, what are we going to do and who are we going to call and what doctor are we going to go see and when are we going to go? And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And after about two days of this, I was getting irritated.

I'm like, we got to go. I'm like, if you don't go, I'm still going to drag you out of the house, and we're going to do this. And she said, she's like, I wish you'd just love me. I said, I am totally loving you right now. This is the most loving thing to do because I'm going to get you healed.

And she's like, well, what I wish you would do is I wish you would just hold my hand and give me a washcloth and just tell me it's going to be okay. And I'm, like, thinking to myself, but that's not going to heal you, but if that's what you want, that's what we can do. And so we started doing a little bit of that, but that's not the way I'd want to be treated. I'd want my wife to say if she saw me in bed, suck it up. Let's go to the doctor.

Let's do this. I don't want you to pat my head and do. I don't want that. I remember when we were dating, we were out here skiing up in steamboat, and I had a massive collision, and my ski came off sideways and, like, about poked my lung out, and I couldn't breathe. And sweet Kim's coming along, asking me if I'm okay and doing all this.

I sent her down the hill because I was so angry. You know, I'm like, just tell me to suck it up. I'm going to be okay. She's like, I don't know how to say those words, you know? I mean, so don't just treat them the way they want.

You want to be treated. Treat them the way they want to be treated. Amen. Like, what do you need? You know, I taught on listening last week, and then I went home and totally blew it within an hour of preaching the message.

So we got to learn these things, we got to grow in these things, and we got to develop these things. But if we preference our wives and we do these things, then God can be blessed. And here's why it's so important. It's so important because we live in a culture where it says, for women, don't you dare put yourself under any other man's authority. Toxic.

It's really not. It's one of the most honorable, God honoring things you can do. And if we're with a godly man, it's the most blessed place you can ever be until you're married. That's supposed to be your daddy that does that. Amen.

Then we live in a culture where men aren't taught the value of marriage because it's just another title that you take, and you got to put up with it. Happy wife, happy life. Just kind of endure. But they don't realize, no, you're the head of that family, and God's looking at you for the direction of what that. That's what's happening there.

And some of you might say today, like, some of you ladies, like, well, I'd submit to my husband. But he's not even a believer. I mean, he doesn't even. It's so hard. First peter, chapter three, verses one and two, says, in the same way, you, wives be submissive to your own husbands so that if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won over without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chase, which is pure and respectful behavior.

You don't need to go home and complain. You should have been in church today. You don't need to whine, you don't need to nag. It doesn't change your husband. But if you live godly in your marriage, that has the power of changing your husband.

It really does. It says in verse five as you drop down from the former times, the holy women also who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves by being submissive to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. So, I mean, if you want to practice at home, I mean, call your husband lord. I mean, Lord. Jeff doesn't get used a lot at my house, I can tell you.

But it's a posturing. It's saying, I respect you and I know my wife respects me. And this is how we need to grow because the culture would tell you the exact opposite. If you're a woman, don't you dare submit yourself to a man. You're independent, you lead.

You don't let him do anything. And if you're a guy, here's what the culture says. Don't worry about her. Just kind of do whatever you can to get along because you know what women are like. And that is anti biblical and it's anti God.

Men, you're the head of your family. You're the head of your wife, not to put her down, but to elevate her and to love her and to help her get established and help all her gifts come forth. And women can be the most flourishing, exciting, like blessed people on the planet if they have a man that will do that. And wise. When you submit to your husbands, you are unleashing them with freedom and you are unleashing supernatural power in their life for God to work in them to do what God wants them to do.

You say, where does all this come from? Like, how come these New Testament writers get all this stuff? Well, it goes right back to Genesis 224, doesn't it? Notice the next verses. Why?

Because for this reason. Why? What are the reasons? Because you're valued in the image of God because you were given the gender and because God loves families. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

This mystery is great, but I'm speaking with reverence to Christ in the church. That's how we learn how marriage works. Nevertheless, and he's going to sum up everything we just talked about here. He's going to put it in a nutshell. Nevertheless, each individual among you is also to love his own wife, even as himself.

And the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. If you hear nothing else, husbands, love your wives unconditionally. Just keep on loving them. That's what your job is. Love them the same way you love you.

Wives respect your husbands. Do you know why this is hard? Because this is not our normal go to. I mean, I've watched from the time my daughters were young, I watched it as a youth pastor with girls that were middle school and high school women. Y'all just relate differently to each other than we do as menta.

I mean, I've gone to youth groups, and you see it in the senior high group, and you see all these women and they're always in circles, looking each other in the eye and talking, and they're actually engaged. And when one's talking, everybody's listening, and, oh, that's so bad. And here's what's going, oh, I'm here for you. I've never seen a group of guys huddle up other than on a football field. Like, if there were seven guys sitting around, like, oh, really?

How are you feeling? We don't even know that language. We know the language of respect. I can jump farther. I can jump higher.

I can make more money. I'm stronger than you, bigger than you, faster than you. I'm comparing myself. We know that language. That's the language of respect.

And so you get a wife that marries a husband and she starts speaking the love language, and he wants the respect language, and you get a husband that starts speaking the respect language, and the wife wants a love language. And that's why people always say we have a communication problem. Of course you do, because you have two different genders. And so it's spending the rest of your life learning how to accommodate one another and husbands being filled with the spirit. Love your wives in the same way Christ loved the church, in the same way you love yourself.

Wives, respect your husband and submit to him in the same way that Jesus Christ submitted to the father, in the same way, the church submits to Christ. And that's impossible without the power of the spirit. But with the power of the spirit, it's not only possible, it's mandated, and it's enjoyable, and it's the way that marriage works. And honestly, if all people who were born again put this into practice, people would be begging to figure out, how do you guys have the marriage you have? How do you guys do what you do?

Well, because we're just trying to put into practice, and we're working on for the rest of our lives how to do this very thing. And the reason for this is this is the establishment of a good family. When you have a husband and wife that honor one another like this, and husbands, your daughters and your sons see that you love your wife and wives, your sons and your daughters see that you respect your husband. It's the greatest way to show them that family's important. And I got good news for you.

Even if you come from a, quote, broken family or a hard family, or I difficult family or a challenging family, you can be the family that changes the whole next generation. And no matter how difficult it is in your marriage right now, you begin to apply these things to your life. God will take care of the rest. And again, wives, you have to take what the Lord showed you and you have to put it into practice. Husbands, you have to take what the Lord showed you and put it into practice.

Here's the question I always get. Who starts? If I had a husband that treated me like that, I would submit to that any day of the week. If I had a wife that submitted to me like that, I would love her like that any day of the week. Who starts?

The spiritually mature one starts. If you heard the Lord, you start doing what the Lord showed you. And then you watch over time how the Lord begins to cement it even deeper. I love the Lord because he understands our sin. I love the Lord because we don't have any perfect marriages.

I love the Lord because we're all still in process. But I love the Lord because he sets the standard high, and there's always something to grow in. And if we get this right, then we can get family right. We get family right. We can really see God begin to change our world so that one day, when we stand before him, we can hear those words, well done, good and faithful servant.

Don't you long for that day in heaven. Don't you long to be with Jesus. That's what we need to long for and yearn for this day would you stand with me as we pray?

Our father we give you honor, we give you glory we give you praise we thank you for your word we thank you for who you are thank you for what you've shown each individual here that's wanted to hear what you had to say. For all the singles here that are wanting to move this direction say this is the kind of man or woman I want to marry. For all the married people here that say this is who I need to become. Lord I just pray your unleashed power over everybody and even as we have pastors and elders that are coming forward that are willing to pray with anybody today Lord we know you'll meet people also right where they're at and Lord we long and yearn for the day we see you face to face. We give you all the praise, glory and honor and it's in Jesus name we pray amen and amen.

Could we give God praise for his word today?